she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You ate ashes out of my bong
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
