Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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