She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
