im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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