walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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