a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
