I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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