the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
