She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
