M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i think my cat just said my name.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
