i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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