dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
