Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
