what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
