Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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