Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
