I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
