I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
