how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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