I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
