He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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