You made me cry and you don't even care
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
