I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
