Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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