So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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