I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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