If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I will pee on everything he values.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
