I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
