In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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