She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
