it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
