I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
