i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
