saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I believe in your delicious
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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