tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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