I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
