Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
