Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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