Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
