I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
They have beer where we have blood.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
