He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm just crazy horny about you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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