I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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