Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
