Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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