is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
