Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
