i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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