So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
