Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
