$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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