Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am available for nakedness
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
