he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
