jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
